Local therapist Pandora MacLean-Hoover of the THINK-diff Institute has some thoughts…

By Laurie Atwater

Feeling stuck in life is no fun. It can feel like perpetual failure and there’s nothing like the month of January to bring it all up again! In January we want to start fresh and fix what we perceive is out of whack in our lives. Lose weight. Clean closets. Quit smoking. Get a better job. Mend fences. Improve relationships. Go back to school. All good. But how can you transform good intentions into real change?

How about taking a fresh look at your thinking?

Pandora MacLean-Hoover of the THINK-diff Institute in Lexington says, “Personal Change begins with thought.”

“The science is just exploding around proving that the more you change your thinking and use your thoughts to think differently, you are actually rewiring the synapses and changing your brain chemistry,” MacLean-Hoover says.

The following four exercises may get you on your way to becoming unstuck!

 

“Fear keeps us stuck in old thought patterns, holding on to old stuff and doing things the old way,” says MacLean-Hoover.

One of the keys to the THINK-diff approach is to reframe fear. “I invite people to become curious,” MacLean-Hoover says. “It’s much easier to get excited about change when you engage in curiosity rather than fear. Change is often blocked by fear. We owe it to ourselves to understand why we have fear. Where does it originate? How does it get reinforced?”

Along with curiosity MacLean-Hoover asks clients to “take a giant step away from the judgment they have about themselves and others.”  This allows patients to create what she calls a White Board—a blank slate of options.

Instead of approaching change from a “something is wrong with me” model, MacLean-Hoover uses visual exercises to assist in a process of self discovery. She often begins by drawing a simple timeline. On one end is a stick figure representing “me” as a child, on the other the word NOW representing “me” as a adult. She asks clients to look at the timeline and recall experiences that might be significant. The simple visual usually jogs the memory according to MacLean-Hoover. “I call it opening the information highway.”

 

 

MacLean-Hoover uses four circles to map these important experiences. “The first circle represents the story itself,” she explains. “To the right of it is a circle that represents the emotions around that story: does it make you angry, sad or anxious? Then I ask clients to carefully observe the physical sensations that arise around the emotions. That’s the third circle. Do they tremble, feel cold, hot, sweaty or is their heart beating wildly? The final circle represents the “I statement”—the core belief that is triggered by the memory of that event.”

The next time you have a heightened physical response to something or someone, pay attention and see if it brings up any of your own “I statements.” For instance ladies, the next time your husband makes a suggestion about your driving and you feel a familiar constriction in your throat, ask yourself – Does this relate to the statement: “I am not a competent person?”

Then b-r-e-a-t-h-e. Awareness is the first step. Bringing these thoughts forward is lots of work. These beliefs come from the feeling part of your brain so it is important to observe your physical state and your feelings. Being mindful is key.

 

 

“It resonates with people to use the computer analogy and it engages them with some optimism because they have really done this,” MacLean-Hoover says.

We’ve all spent hours researching the perfect computer for our work and personal lives. Is it a MAC or a PC? How much RAM? How big a hard drive and a million other small hardware related choices we have to make before we buy. “But what happens then?” MacLean-Hoover asks. “You have to choose the software that tells the computer what you want it to do.” The software represents “I” statements.

On this computer shopping trip she invites clients to picture a rack of software with names like: I’m a failure, I am stupid, I can’t trust my judgment.

“If we were looking at that software with the knowledge that this is a choice and we have to choose what we want the computer to do on our behalf, would we choose that software?” She suggests that as adults with a choice we would move on to the rack with these titles:  I am successful, I am smart, I trust my judgment.

 

 

 

“When we are children we don’t have a filter so everything gets in.  Parents, extended family, teachers—all of the ‘big people’ in our lives raise us in their own image into a world as they see it,” McLean-Hoover explains. How have you been brought up to see yourself, the world and the people in it? MacLean-Hoover works with clients to dispel the distorted beliefs about themselves that leave them unable to change.

“People are easily reminiscent about the sense of powerlessness in childhood,” MacLean-Hoover says. “But unlike childhood when you had no voice, adulthood gives you choice.”  Change becomes much more exciting when the idea of choice replaces fear. Getting unstuck can be a thrilling and fulfilling process according to MacLean-Hoover. “You can only control for you. Once you know why you think what you think and do what you do, you may choose whether you still want to think and do things the same way.”

 

 

Pandora MacLean-Hoover of the THINK-diff Institute at 1666 Mass Ave., Suite F1 in Lexington.

Tel: 888.417.3159