Lexington’s Walking Man

Rick Abrams

The Pied Piper of ACROSS Lexington

A year after Rick left us, ACROSS Lexington, the work of his final months, is being rededicated in his memory. This is a tribute to Rick and his indefatigable devotion to this project and his special talent for creating connections, leading and inspiring with quiet, grace, determination and humor.

By Laurie Atwater

He loved to walk in nature. He fell in love with footpaths in England while attending York University and continued the practice when he wanted a quiet meditative place to think away from traffic and the hectic business of life. When he became ill, he found walking to be therapeutic and life affirming, and it sustained him throughout a decade-long battle with thyroid cancer.

In his final years, Rick Abrams turned his attention to an ambitious community project in Lexington that would make it easier for the entire community to share his love of walking in nature. Linking the many protected conservation areas in Lexington to form a coherent network of walking trails, ACROSS (Accessing Conservation land, Recreation areas, Open space, Schools and Streets) Lexington is Rick’s legacy and a gift to all Lexingtonians. He worked tirelessly to make this idea a reality and now, just about one year after Rick’s death, ACROSS Lexington: the Rick Abrams Memorial Trail Network will be officially dedicated to his memory on June 14th.

And what a memory it is for people who knew and loved him and even those who met him briefly—Rick Abrams was one of those rare people who made good things happen all around him, inspired respect and affection and left the world a better place. He had a gift.

It was Rick’s spirit and enthusiasm, that was the spark, his constant encouragement, positive attitude, and smile—that kept all of us coming back every month.”

Mark Sandeen, Chairman
Sustainable Lexington Committee

AN ENTREPRENEURIAL SPIRIT

Starting young, Rick learned to work hard. I recently visited with his wife Susan Kenyon and she told me that Rick’s parents raised chickens on a farm in North Kingstown, Rhode Island. The family left the farm when Rick was six and moved to Providence. Then in 1969, when Rick was 12, they bought a “rundown rooming house on Block Island.” Rick’s father was a “visionary” according to Susan—one of those entrepreneurial spirits who was always ahead of the curve. Block Island didn’t have any prestige in those days, but his parents thought it would be good for the kids—they could have summer jobs at the inn and start on a new adventure. No small nod to dad’s instincts, the inn is a vibrant business to this day as the locale has grown into a popular vacation spot. His sister Rita Draper runs it now, but in the early years all the kids pitched in. Susan often tells the story of Rick’s humble culinary beginnings as an assistant to the Chef when he was 14. In a dramatic moment, after the chef burned his hand, young Rick jumped in to cook breakfast for 160 guests! Cooking was a skill that Rick continued to develop and enjoy. In thirty-five years of marriage, Susan says she never cooked a meal, while Rick’s skills became legend among his friends. “It was good because I come from a long line of bad cooks,” Susan says with a laugh.

Rick and his brother Mark started a sandwich shop on the island and Susan says people still say, ‘I remember those sandwiches!’ with a nostalgic lick of the lips. As fledgling entrepreneurs, they stayed open late and would sell their sandwiches to the hungry bar crowds after hours. “They would sleep till 1 or 2 the next day,” Susan says with a laugh.

Ironically Susan and Rick started out just miles from one another in Rhode Island; Rick on the chicken farm and Susan in potato country in South Kingstown, but they wouldn’t meet for years down the road. They both landed at Colby College in Waterville, Maine in the 1970s, but for the 4 years on campus they only spoke a few times. Rick was a dedicated student and applied himself enthusiastically to his studies at the expense of a social life—often disappearing into the library stacks. (He graduated magna cum laude with a B.A. in economics and mathematics. He was also a member of Phi Beta Kappa.)

Susan did know Rick’s roommate Doug Kaplan at Colby. After graduation when Susan was in law school and needed a place to crash while she started a summer associateship at Mintz Levin, she contacted Doug. He was in Boston and still rooming with Rick. Finally Susan and Rick got to know each other and discovered everything that they had in common! They were married in 1982 and moved to Lexington in 1993.

Rick was a family man first. Rick with his wife Susan Kenyon and beloved children (left to right) Archie, Sydney and Stan.

In the early years Rick worked for Data Resources in Lexington and Susan was practicing law at Mintz Levin. They had a great life for two young people, but Rick was itching to do something else. Susan says he was toying with going back to graduate school, but wasn’t really that interested. His inner entrepreneur was just dying to get out! Rick had a regular squash game with a venture capitalist named Jerry Dykama. One day Jerry hinted around at a possible business opportunity. Eventually Jerry introduced Rick to Tom Snyder, a teacher from the Shady Hill School who had started a business called Computer Learning Connection. Snyder would eventually become Rick’s business partner in something that was called “educational software.”

SOFTWARE, WHAT’S SOFTWARE?

Susan can laugh about it now, but it must have been pretty scary at the time. “Rick took a fifty percent cut in pay,” she says and moved to an office in a 3rd story walk-up. His desk was a piece of plywood on hinges that rested atop the sink in the kitchen! “Back then, no one understood computers,” she says. “Everyone thought he was crazy!”

It appears that Rick had inherited some of that visionary gift from his father because the field of educational software was in its infancy and their company, Tom Snyder Productions (TSP), went on to pioneer innovative, creative products, even expanding into animation with Soup2Nuts Studios.

“The notion of combining business with a social agenda like education was something that appealed to Rick,” Susan says. “Their products were never designed to replace teachers, they were made for teachers who wanted to enhance the curriculum and enrich the learning experience.”

Eventually the partners sold TSP to Scholastic. Rick stayed on as General Manager and was still working when he discovered a lump while shaving. The lump turned out to be thyroid cancer.

THYROID CANCER

Rick attacked the new challenge with the same inquisitive, hard-working, optimistic attitude that shaped his every endeavor. He researched and learned everything he could. He met his treatment regimen with mettle and everything seemed to follow the predictably curable path of the most common thyroid cancers for a short while. But when it came roaring back and it was obvious that Rick’s was a more virulent form of thyroid cancer—a cancer that is actually rather rare.

He underwent grueling radiation and chemotherapy. During his therapy, Rick contacted a group called ITOG (International Thyroid Oncology Group) and went on to become the only patient advocate on the ITOG board. Susan explains that Rick spent hours advocating, helped the organization develop their website and made a short video about his experience to help other patients (still on the website) all during his difficult illness.

He continued to work for as long as he could, reduced his hours to part-time, and began to look outside his professional life for sources of strength. He loved photography, cooking and reading. He was well-known for his men-only book club with paired meals—the menu matched the topic of the book!

He connected with Ramel (Rami) Rones, a Tai Chi instructor after seeing a flyer at Dana Farber and learned to expand his understanding of the mind-body connection through Tai Chi and meditation—a practice and friendship that sustained him on his journey.

And he kept walking.

When he decided to go on disability, he experienced the stress that anyone experiences when they stop working. “He said, ‘What am I going to do?’” Susan says, and he was really worried about the idea of “retiring.”

For Rick, “retirement” meant continued work with the ITOG board, a position with the Woods Hole Corporation, the Wheelock College Board of Directors, the Lexington Greenways Corridor Committee, the Lexington Global Warming Action Coalition, Sustainable Lexington, and the Battle Road Historic Byway Committee.

ACROSS Lexington

The sinage that marks the trails of ACROSS Lexington.

Despite his fears, Susan says, “The timing worked out really well. When the Greenways Corridor Committee was formed there were people involved who were thinking about creating trails and linking paths in Lexington.” Susan says that their son Archie, a former member of the LHS cross country team used to tell them that he could go for a 10 mile run and “his feet would barely hit pavement.” The idea of interconnected footpaths really appealed to Rick’s love of walking in nature.

“We were always big walkers. Route B, as it’s now known, is the trail that we would walk together.”

Susan explains, “Over time ACROSS Lexington became like his full-time job!” He threw himself into the project and worked tirelessly with Keith Ohmart and other committee members. “He went to 22 boards to gain approvals,” Susan says. Soon he became the public face of ACROSS Lexington. He had the time and seemingly endless stores of energy. It was hard not to wonder how he was managing it all in the face of his illness. He never talked about it. “I think in the last two years of his life he was in bed maybe for a day or two,” Susan says. “He was always busy with meetings and things to do for ACROSS Lexington.”

Rick, ever the technology advocate, even made a connection with David Neal, an IOS developer and Lexington resident, to create the ACROSS Lexington App which is available for free download from the Apple App Store and provides GPS guidance while walking the trails.

Members of the Greenways Corridor Committee. Front row- Alex Dohan, Eileen Entin, Rick Abrams, Keith Ohmart. Back row- Peggy Enders, Paul Knight, Mike Tabaczynski, Bob Hausselein, Stew Kennedy. Photo by David Tabeling.

Keith Ohmart, Chair of the Greenways Corridor Committee says, “Rick seemingly came out of nowhere, blazed across my life and those of my colleagues on the Greenways Corridor Committee for a much too short period of time, made what became the ACROSS Lexington project his own including creating the name for the project, and will be forever remembered.”

The members of the committee loved working with Rick. Much as he had done in his professional life, he infused his work with energy, creativity, inclusiveness and fun. He was a motivator. When several college students reached out to the Sustainable Lexington Committee Rick offered to be their mentor. Mark Sandeen, Chairman of the Sustainable Lexington Committee says that Rick thought it was a good way to pass on their concern and keen interest for the future of the planet to the next generation.

“When you think about climate change and sustainability,” Sandeen explains, “you can get lost in numbers and graphs and reports, but Rick said, ‘We’re talking about quality of life. How can we make this town a better place to live and how can we do the right thing for ourselves and for our kids?’”

“Rick touched many lives through his work with Sustainable Lexington. Rick was the first person who gave me hope that we really could pull a group of great people together who would be willing to work together to make a sustainable difference in Lexington. It was Rick’s spirit and enthusiasm, that was the spark, his constant encouragement, positive attitude, and smile—that kept all of us coming back every month,” Mark says. “Rick was an amazing guy who had more friends than you can count, because Rick made a new friend every time he met someone new. That is a rare gift indeed!”

Sheryl Rosner, who was new to the committee at the time says, “Rick brought such an important perspective to the Sustainable Lexington Committee as he was so committed and enthusiastic about connecting people to nature and very savvy about messaging and technology. His passion and vision about the protected parcels not only led to the success of ACROSS Lexington but was the catalyst for creating an app for the routes. He would have been thrilled with last weekend’s Hidden Treasures event that also tied in art to the trails.”

A year ago in April Rick found out that the last of the experimental drugs was not working and the cancer had spread. He was facing two surgeries over the next couple of months. According to Susan, he was most worried about getting things done for ACROSS Lexington. “He was working on the first map and it was Bike Walk ‘n Bus Week—he led 3 walks that week!” He was thinking ahead to the future and never lost his hopeful attitude.

Susan is working on approval for a memorial bench on Route B in Dunback Meadow, Rick’s favorite spot. It will hopefully inspire walkers to stop for a few moments, breathe deeply and connect with the beauty of nature. Rick would like that.

To download the complete ACROSS Lexington brochure visit: www.acrosslexington.org

Visit ACROSS Lexington on facebook: www.facebook.com/acrosslex and post a picture of yourself enjoying the trails!

Download the FREE ACROSS Lexington App at the Apple App Store:

ACROSS LEXINGTON

The Board of Selectmen has established
the Rick Abrams ACROSS Lexington Fund
to support the trail network by creating:

• New directional and interpretive signage,
• Electronic and/or print maps, and
• Web/software development to incorporate current technologies.

The mailing address for donations is:

Board of Selectmen
ACROSS Lexington Trust Fund
Town of Lexington
1625 Massachusetts Ave.
Lexington, MA 02420

Please make checks out to “Town of Lexington”
and write “Rick Abrams ACROSS Lexington Trust Fund”
on the memo line.

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Filed Under: Archived Stories

In Full Bloom

Spring prep for the garden. Photo Courtesy of Mary Lou Chamberland

By Jane Whitehead

The garden is the result of an innovative collaboration among various Town departments: LPS, the Department of Public Facilities (DPF) and the Department of Public Works (DPW), with expert input from Lexington Community Farm (LexFarm), and LPS food service providers, Whitsons.

“Look at the size of the pumpkins – I’ve never seen them this early!” said Don Chamberland. He was admiring a riot of vines and Cinderella’s-coach-worthy gourds overspilling one corner of the new Employee Wellness Garden in the field behind the Lexington Public Schools (LPS) Central Administration Building on Maple Street.

Chamberland’s wife Mary Lou, a kindergarten assistant at Fiske Elementary School, is one of 25 LPS employees who signed up for a season of organic gardening under the umbrella of the LPS Employee Wellness Program. On a warm late July evening, while bees buzzed around colorful clumps of cornflowers, zinnias and sunflowers in the shared cutting-garden, she was harvesting eggplants and giant knobbly summer squash from the 4-foot by 8-foot plot she shares with ESL instructor Carolyn Hine.

The garden is the result of an innovative collaboration among various Town departments: LPS, the Department of Public Facilities (DPF) and the Department of Public Works (DPW), with expert input from Lexington Community Farm (LexFarm), and LPS food service providers, Whitsons. “It’s so much fun just to watch it grow and see the progress of it all,” said Chamberland. “I’m just so glad Bob Harris came up with this great idea!”

The garden is the best example of what we in education call ‘the growth mindset.”

Bob Harris,
LPS Assistant Superintendent

START WITH COMPOST
In December 2013, Bob Harris, LPS Assistant Superintendent for Human Resources, came across a magazine article about a new Massachusetts law concerning the disposal of organic waste. That prompted him to investigate the waste generated by LPS food services, and explore the possibility of setting up an internal composting system. In the end, the composting scheme was never pursued, but the germ of an idea had been sown.

Harris’s office in the Central Administration Building overlooks a former playground, bounded by woodland. With his mind still revolving thoughts of compost and the food supply, he realized that there was an un-utilized resource right outside his window – a sunny field that could be turned into a garden for the use of LPS employees. Learning about and then practicing organic gardening would be an extra benefit that fit right into the holistic model of wellness embodied in the wide-ranging LPS Employee Wellness Program, launched in 2012-13.

In early 2014, Harris marshaled a planning team to help determine the viability of the Employee Wellness Garden, and figure out how to deploy existing resources to make it a reality. The group included Jacky Dick, Coordinator of the LPS Employee Wellness Program, Kevin Silvia, Food Services Director, of Whitsons, Bill Whitson, coordinator of student garden projects for Whitsons, Shawn Newall, Lexington’s Assistant Director of Public Facilities, and Nancy Gold, of LexFarm’s Education Committee.

FROM FIELD TO GARDEN
After identifying a specific site, for its sunny aspect, easy access to parking, and proximity to a water supply, and getting the all-clear from the Lexington Conservation Commission and the Board of Health, Harris and the team broke ground in Fall 2014.

With documentary footage from his smartphone, Harris replayed the multi-stage process by which a dormant piece of land was brought back to life. “DPF came in with a bobcat and just tore it up,” he said, showing a video of the first stage in the creation of the 2400-square-foot garden. “We wanted to get really high grade material to amend the soil,” he said, scrolling to another clip documenting the delivery of 42 cubic yards of rich black compost from an organic farm on the North Shore.

In all decisions about the site including location, preparation, soil analysis and improvement, Harris enlisted the expert advice of Charlie Radoslovich, LexFarm’s backyard garden guru. For the last six years Radoslovich, whose motto is “Don’t mow it, eat it!” has been urging people to dig up their lawns and plant vegetables (www.radurbanfarmers.com).

It’s just so great to go out there and be surrounded by so much lush green and color. It makes me feel really happy that the place where I work has given us something like this.”

Beverly Quirk

Harvest! Mary Lou Chamberland with one of her first eggplants.

When his initial analysis showed the soil to be acidic and low in nitrogen, Radoslovich recommended adding the organic compost, and insulating half of the plot through the winter with a mixture of “green cover” provided by rye-grass and vetch, and the other with a layer of salt-marsh hay. “You’re nurturing the soil back to life, trying to encourage as much microbiology as possible,” he said.

Radoslovich emphasized the collaborative nature of the project. “This was a town wide effort,” he said. “DPF and DPW were excellent partners,” said Harris. “DPF lined up all the other contractors for things we couldn’t do internally, like moving the shed and putting in the fence.” He was referring to the toolshed, that needed to be moved from the far side of the field – and got stuck in the mud in the process – and the installation of a sturdy wire perimeter fence set in a two-foot deep trench, to keep out animal pests. With the addition of four wooden raised beds and the installation of pathways, to ensure disabled access, the garden was ready for planting in Spring 2015.

AN ORGANIC LEARNING CURVE
Connecting gardening with learning was always a central aim of the project. “The garden is the best example of what we in education call ‘the growth mindset,’” said Harris, as it is both literally and metaphorically a place of growth, not only for plants, but also for the people tending and learning about them. So in Spring 2014, while the garden was still in the planning stage, LPS Employee Wellness Program Coordinator Jacky Dick contacted LexFarm about offering a class on organic gardening.

Taught by Radoslovich, Nancy Gold and former fourth-grade teacher and LexFarm volunteer Linda Levin, the seven-session hands-on class was a prerequisite for any aspiring gardener applying for a plot in the Employee Wellness Garden. The class has now run for three terms, the most recent being in Spring 2015, starting out in LexFarm’s greenhouse at Lowell Street on the Arlington border, and moving to the garden itself in late April.

“I’ve never really grown anything myself, apart from a couple of tomatoes in a flower pot,” said data specialist Beverly Quirk, who signed up for the class as an experiment and to challenge herself to learn something new. “Charlie and Nancy were just really helpful, friendly and informative,” she said. With the information, skills and confidence she gained, she has successfully grown cucumbers, radishes, peas and spinach, and is impatiently waiting for her tomatoes to ripen.

A seasoned gardener who retired as an Occupational Therapist from Estabrook Elementary School in June, Cynthia Kimball found she still had much to learn from the class, “mainly about the need to choose seeds carefully, and think about companion gardening and how to rotate our plots.”

“I’ve never worked with such good soil,” said Kimball, and she has found that the organic seeds from the new Lexington Seed Library at Cary Library, which Gold coordinates, “have germinated so much better than those from regular seed companies.” Of the garden itself, she said: “I feel I’m in a magic land when I go there – it’s truly like a dream to see how fast things grow.”

A GROWING COMMUNITY
“It’s not just a garden – it’s a place for people to make connections with other people,” said Harris, who has been struck by the wide range of employees who have signed up as gardeners. “We have teachers, instructional support staff, clerical staff, custodians, administrators – they say it’s a really great place for them to connect with other people in the school system,” he said.

The garden also bridges generations, as it includes a large raised bed for the use of Harrington first graders – that’s the one currently filled with pumpkins – and a plot for LABBB students (special needs students from Lexington, Arlington, Burlington, Bedford and Belmont), who have volunteered to weed and water other gardeners’ patches during the vacation.

The project has multiple benefits, said Employee Wellness Program Coordinator Jacky Dick. “Spending time in the garden gives employees a peaceful place where they can get exercise, be creative and enjoy the outdoors,” she said. Along with supporting sustainability and providing healthy chemical-free produce, she noted, the garden has also “promoted community by our collaboration with LexFarm and by the arrangement of plot sharing –where employees chose to share a plot and work with each other to cultivate the garden.”

No garden is trouble free, and the gardeners of the Employee Wellness Garden are currently dealing with an outbreak of powdery mildew, with hands-on and email assistance from Nancy Gold. But many are already looking forward to the next season. “I will definitely do it next year – I’ll be wiser and smarter and know what to plant!” said Mary Lou Chamberland. For Beverly Quirk, the garden has given her more than just the discovery of an unexpected green thumb. “It’s just so great to go out there and be surrounded by so much lush green and color,” she said. She paused, then added: “It makes me feel really happy that the place where I work has given us something like this.”

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Filed Under: Archived Stories

LHS Poetry Book Helps Students Show Academic Merit and Share Their Own Unique Voices

The Student Publishing Program has announced that its fourth poetry book, The Common Understanding: Poems from Lexington High School’s Class of 2017, has already received submissions from over 450 sophomores. “It’s the most ever in over a decade of working with LHS,” says program cofounder and LHS Grad Anthony Tedesco, adding that “print publication is a great motivator for students, but none of this would be possible without the dedicated writing support of LHS’s English teachers and the courageous participation of the sophomores themselves.”
This year’s book is titled from one of the featured poems, The Common Understanding, written by LHS sophomore Austin Fowlkes, and the book will include a foreword by Robert Pinsky, former U.S. Poet Laureate, founder of The Favorite Poem Project (favoritepoem.org), and author of Selected Poems (Farrar, Straus, & Giroux).
Founded in 2002 by Tedesco and LHS English Teacher Karen Russell, The Student Publishing Program (SPP) is a school-fundraising English Literary Arts curriculum that works with local teachers and the nation’s top poets to help students find and express their own unique voices and demonstrate their academic merit – to themselves and to the community at-large – beyond data-driven assessment. Russell explains that “While SPP meets key Common Core standards and benchmarks for 10th grade English Language Arts, it goes beyond that to help students often exceed perceived ability levels when they are given the opportunity to find their genuine voice that expresses what truly matters.”

For SPP’s free writing and publishing resources, information on pre-ordering LHS’s poetry book, and opportunities to help The Student Publishing Program with your time, tax-deductible donations or expert advice, please visit ColonialTimes.LHSpoem.org

SPP’s school-safe, online publishing platform, makes it easy and quick for teachers to secure and manage hundreds of submissions and permissions, so all sophomores have the opportunity to get their poems published and promoted in an online literary magazine and in a paperback book, with SPP giving 100% of profits back to LHS to further support English Language Arts.
In 2011, when SPP was last able to publish students in a book and promote their work through a book launch/poetry reading event, it was thanks in part to vital support, says Tedesco, from the William G. Tapply Memorial Fund and Lexington Community Education. But even without funding this year, to enable participation and the benefits of print publication, SPP decided to provide the program at no cost to LHS, with SPP’s small staff volunteering all of its time and services, much as so many generous advisors and authors have done to benefit students in the past, including invaluable support from teachers, students, and parents, as well as from local writers such as C. Anthony Martignetti, author of, most recently, Beloved Demons (3 Swallys Press), and X.J. Kennedy, winner of the Robert Frost Medal for distinguished lifetime service to American poetry, and author of In A Prominent Bar In Secaucus: New & Selected Poems (Johns Hopkins University Press, 2007).

Van Seasholes

In 2011’s book, titled Unsaid, Kennedy wrote: “To any writer, writing always seems more a meaningful act if it results in publication. In bringing out Unsaid, Anthony Tedesco and the Student Publishing Program have accomplished something rare and valuable. This book and this program strike me, to the best of my knowledge, as the most remarkable gift to student writers that anyone has offered in America.”
For SPP’s free writing and publishing resources, information on pre-ordering LHS’s poetry book, and opportunities to help The Student Publishing Program with your time, tax-deductible donations or expert advice, please go online to ColonialTimes.LHSpoem.org.
As the Student Publishing Program’s founding media partner, The Lexington Colonial Times Magazine is also proud to be featuring additional student poems and program coverage in an upcoming issue during April’s National Poetry Month.

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Filed Under: Archived Stories Tagged With: Anthony Tedesco, Lexington Student Poetry, Portable Heroes, SPP, Student Poetry, Student Publishing Program, The Common Understanding

Building Community Around the Supper Table

COMMUNITY ACTIVISTS SEEK TO HELP THOSE IN NEED

From L. to R: Harriet Kaufman, John Bernhard, George Murnaghan and Laura Derby stir the pot for LexEat Together. Photo courtesy of D. Peter Lund.

By E. Ashley Rooney

On Tuesday, May 26, a group of 35 residents met to discuss how we as a community could help those in need. Though not easily visible, there are those among us who struggle with not having enough food and social interaction. By providing a free, nutritious and regularly scheduled community meal, open to all, we can address these needs and build community with those whose circumstances serve to isolate them.

It is difficult to imagine as the bulldozers raze older homes and turn them into multi-million-dollar dwellings, that we could be hungry because we didn’t have enough money to buy food, but a husband can die, a job disappear, a family or medical emergency can devastate our savings. As Laura Derby, one of the organizers, pointed out, once you lose your financial security, you may drift into social isolation. Life becomes a vicious spiral downward.

PROVIDING A FREE COMMUNITY MEAL

Laura, Harriet Kaufman, John Bernhard, and George Murnaghan have been meeting for several months to understand how Lexington can help those in need with a free weekly meal, open to all, which they have named Lex Eat Together. They have researched similar efforts in Concord and Bedford, worked with the Town’s human services director Charlotte Rodgers, and met with community activists to get their suggestions and input.

Harriet Kaufman pointed out that we have many individuals and groups in town with a strong commitment to service. As Martin Luther King, Jr. said, ”Life’s most persistent and important question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’ Here is an opportunity for connection, for change, and for performing a valuable service.”

She then described the Open Table in Concord and Maynard, which provides a pantry and dinner to all who come, with no questions asked. She spent twenty-five years as a volunteer there, in a variety of roles, including pantry manager, cook, president, board member, and head of guest support services. The spirit of Open Table, she said, is one of kindness, dignity, inclusion and community. This spirit is what the group envisions replicating In Lexington.

HARNESSING LEXINGTON’S VOLUNTEER SPIRIT

Their overall plan is to have a weekly meal on Wednesday evenings from 5:30-7 pm, starting, in mid-October, and they are working with the Church of Our Redeemer, located in Lexington Center, to hold the meal in Redeemer’s renovated parish hall and kitchen. They believe a central location, with suitable kitchen and dining facilities, ample parking and handicap access will serve the guests best. Redeemer, which has hosted the food pantry for 25 years, fulfills all those requirements.

The 35 attendees broke into teams to discuss obtaining volunteers for cooking, serving, setup/cleanup, outreach and promotion, and organization and fundraising. In the next several months, they plan to build awareness about the Lex Eats Together program, to inform and invite potential guests and our community at large about the meal. They plan to seek funds to secure at least six months of operation. The organizers believe it will cost around $500 per meal to purchase, prepare and serve 80 individual guests, or $12,500 for six months. They will establish a non-profit group to receive donations in the next several weeks.

To volunteer, contribute or obtain more information, contact John Bernhard jhbernhard2@gmail.com, Laura Derby lauraderby32@gmail.com, Harriet Kaufman harrietkaufman@rcn.com, or George Murnaghan gmurnaghan@verizon.net. Or email lexeattogether@gmail.com.

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Filed Under: Archived Stories, Lexington Organizations

GIANT Accomplishment! Lexington’s Chris Shaw Chosen in the 1ST Round of the MLB Draft

By Devin Shaw

very young athlete has dreamed of playing professional sports. In almost all cases the dream fades with age. The realization is painful yet necessary for most, but for a select few, like Lexington’s own Chris Shaw, the dream becomes real.

Chris Shaw will remember June 8, 2015 for the rest of his life—that is the day that the San Francisco Giants selected him 31st overall in the first round of the Major League Baseball draft.

Chris played baseball at Lexington High School and was so good that the New York Mets drafted him directly out of high school with the 800th overall pick, but he chose instead to pursue his education and play ball at Boston College.

I recently spoke to Chris and he told me this time the draft was different, “out of high school I had no intentions of signing professionally; I wanted to go to college and honor my commitment to BC. So this time around it was pretty nerve-racking leading up to the draft because I knew I was signing and I wanted to go as high as possible and end up with the best organization I could. And when I was selected by San Francisco I was excited—because of their track record and the kind of organization they are top-to-bottom.”

Since 2010 the San Francisco Giants have been inarguably the best franchise in professional baseball. Not including this current season, the Giants have won three of the last five World Series. And most of the key-contributors for this baseball dynasty have been developed within the farm system that Chris is about to enter.

Chris possesses what is known in the scouting world as “plus-plus” power. Essentially, the hulking left-hander can hit the ball a mile. His batting practices regularly drew massive crowds of scouts prepared for a show. Power hitters have become increasingly scarce in professional baseball making someone with as much power as Shaw rare and valuable.

Chris has always been a standout athlete; he played both baseball and hockey at LHS. The Lexington baseball team helped shape who he is as a ballplayer. He says, “It taught me all my fundamentals obviously, both on and off field. I learned how to be a good teammate and what it takes to be successful with regards to hard work. It definitely played a huge role in my development in allowing me to get to the position I am in now.”

Chris’ Lexington baseball career was hugely successful; it included an undefeated regular season and the prodigious statistics that got scouts from both the college and professional ranks to give him a look. Chris knew he wanted to go to Boston College from the beginning, it provided him a unique opportunity to not only go to a school in what is considered a premiere conference for baseball but also to continue a family tradition of a attending the college—from his grandfather to his mother to most recently his little brother.

Boston College is in the Atlantic Coast Conference (ACC) and for baseball it continually provides some of the best competition for budding Major Leaguers. Chris began his freshman season with incredibly high expectations from both himself and outsiders. He played in 50 games his freshman year at multiple positions including first base and right field and ended his season with a .165 batting average with 27 hits, including five doubles and six home runs (HRs), and ended the season with 27 runs batted in (RBIs).

Though he led the team in home runs, Chris wanted to improve. And during his sophomore year Chris exploded onto the national scene with a breakout season. He told me what helped him do that, “I was able to manage expectations far better going into my sophomore year, my freshman year allowed me to see what it takes to be successful at that level. I think my freshman year I went in there expecting to be a freshman All-American and all this stuff but I learned going from a Massachusetts public high school to the ACC is a pretty significant jump.”

“Every single day I am going to the field

with the short-term goal of getting better

today and don’t worry about tomorrow.”

The ACC features some of the best pitchers in the nation, making it more difficult to hit, especially while Chris was there. “You look at some of the guys I faced and they’re in the big leagues already. We faced some very, very good arms and going into my sophomore year I wanted to be a harder worker and not be as result oriented as much as just going out there and having fun and working hard.”

Well it worked.

Chris’ numbers during his sophomore year were absolutely ridiculous. All of his individual statistics went up exponentially. He finished the season with a .329 batting average 68 hits 18 doubles 9 HRs 45 RBIs and a .502 slugging percentage. All of this led to numerous accolades including being named to the First-Team All-ACC Team (essentially, he was the best player at his position in his conference).

Baseball is a game of whispered stories. Before the advent of video and the Internet,tales of unbelievable feats on the diamond traveled ear-to-ear across the country. Mostly exaggerated, these stories grew in proportion until they were deemed unbelievable or would go down as myth (who really hit the longest home run of all time?). During Chris’ summer on the Cape playing for the Chatham Anglers he built his own myths one massive home run after another. Stories of 450-foot home runs to dead center flooded the Internet and scouting circles.

Chris took it all in stride, and ended up leading the Cape Cod league in home runs which is a major accomplishment considering this is the summer league where all the nation’s best collegiate players go to show off their talent in front of major league scouts.

His performance during the summer raised his profile in the eyes of scouts, he said “I’ve had it described to me that after my sophomore year I was viewed as anywhere from a third to fourth round guy but then after my summer on the cape I was put in the discussion of a top-50 guy.”

It also put the pressure on Chris to perform during his junior season which he did—leading all NCAA players in home runs until an injury interrupted his torrid pace. Though inconvenient, it’s an injury that will not impact his future.

And most importantly it did not prevent the Giants from picking Chris in the first round.

Which brings us back to June 8—Chris was in Lexington to watch the draft at home with mom Karen, dad Doug brother Brendan and close friends and family. Everyone was glued to the TV waiting to hear Chris’ name called. Certainly a night filled with stress and excitement but when the moment finally happened Chris says it got very loud—“A lot of yelling, a lot of celebration. We knew at around the 23 pick that the Giants were gonna take me they called and said ‘Hey, if you’re available we’re gonna take you’ it was kind of anti-climatic because we knew they were going to select me. Nevertheless it was still an incredible moment.”

Chris Shaw signs his contract with the San Francisco Giants.

Now Chris is in Arizona practicing every day waiting to find out what the Giants have planned for him. As he says, “I’m ready to take it day-to-day, just go out there keep my head down and try to live in the moment.”

The minor leagues are set up to allow players to develop their skills to a professional level while playing competition of similar ability. There are multiple levels and various teams all over the United States—from Portland, Maine to Salem, Oregon. Some players skyrocket through their systems on their way to superstardom while others play in the minors their entire careers.

Chris wants to stay in the present and work hard as he moves up the ranks, when asked about his goals as a professional entering the minor leagues he says “I think they’re pretty short-term goals—get better every day. I think if I get caught up in thinking about progressing as quickly as possible or setting a date for when I get to the big leagues I may become a bit overwhelmed. Every single day I am going to the field with the short-term goal of getting better today and don’t worry about tomorrow.”

For Chris baseball isn’t just a job, it’s a passion. Becoming a professional athlete is not something that just happens, it requires a lot of love and dedication that usually starts at a very young age, “I’d go and hit whenever I could. I’d be bugging my dad to go and throw me batting practice. Growing up my neighbors and me were always outside playing, I was never a kid that played video games and stayed away from that stuff—I was just always outside. But I think it’s very important to play multiple sports. I played baseball and hockey in high school and once baseball season was over I hung them up and got on the ice.”

Unfortunately Chris won’t be allowed to play hockey anymore. Admittedly he will miss it “a lot” but I think he has more-than-enough baseball games ahead of him to keep busy!

Hopefully we will see Chris in San Francisco under the bright lights playing for the Giants as soon as possible. From what we knew he’ll work tirelessly day-to-day and game-to-game to improve until he’s ready for the big leagues.

Baseball is a game of repetition and one thing will never change for Chris Shaw, whether it’s dad tossing batting practice or facing the best pitcher in the world: “Try to find a good pitch to hit and hit it hard.”

I’m certain of one thing, stories will be told all over the country of Lexington’s Chris Shaw doing just that.

Below: Chris (in Bowdoin tee shirt) marches with his LHS teammates in the Patriots Day Parade.

Below: Chris (in Bowdoin tee shirt) marches with his LHS teammates in the Lexington Little League Parade.

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Filed Under: Archived Stories, Lexington People, Lexington Schools

Conductor Jonathan McPhee Celebrates a Decade with the Lexington Symphony

By Karen Sampson

Lexington Symphony’s 2014–2015 season has been a milestone year. Not only has it been the 20th consecutive year of operation for this successful nonprofit professional orchestra, but it has also marked the 10th anniversary for the organization’s Music Director, Jonathan McPhee.
A leading musical figure in New England, McPhee officially joined Lexington Symphony in 2005, after he guest conducted for the orchestra during its conductor search. “I originally came to Lexington Symphony (which was then Lexington Sinfonietta) because of the people in the orchestra. I had guest conducted for them, and there was an intensity — and a true love for making music — that came through. That kind of joy is infectious.”
During the past decade, McPhee has strived to maintain the player-centered spirit of the orchestra while also acting as a catalyst for tremendous organizational and artistic growth. His tireless focus and his penchant for challenging classical music audiences with innovative programming have helped the organization to flourish. “When we moved to Cary Hall [from the National Heritage Museum] in 2005, the entire organization blossomed,” recounts McPhee. “What resonated with me was the fact that the orchestra was located in an ideal community that was intelligent and cared about culture and, of course, history. The potential was all around to build, and I am a builder.”

Working with a solid foundation comprised of a group of exceptionally talented and passionate musicians, devoted board and staff members, and supportive patrons and volunteers, McPhee has expanded the Symphony’s programming, enabling the orchestra to reach new artistic heights. “Looking back over the past 10 years, I can think of many fabulous experiences,” says McPhee. “We have explored new music and old favorites; popular music and music from the movies. Mahler’s Symphony No. 8 was a milestone for the orchestra, the community, and for me personally. Rachmaninoff’s Symphony No. 2 and Elgar’s Enigma Variations also stand out as personal favorites.”
Striving to find new ways to broaden the musical repertoire, McPhee has also worked with the Symphony to commission new classical compositions by contemporary composers. During the 2012–2013 season, the Symphony’s “3 for 300th” campaign led to the creation — and performance — of three new works by composers Sky Macklay, Michael Gandolfi, and John Tarrh in celebration of the town of Lexington’s 300th anniversary. McPhee has also nurtured collaborative relationships with other cultural organizations on behalf of the Symphony. In 2007, the Symphony presented a two-part multimedia concert series, Sight and Sound, which featured specially selected photographs from the Polaroid Collections. Other collaborations from the past decade include performances with New World Chorale, The Master Singers, and the Nashua Symphony Orchestra and Chorus. McPhee has also regularly engaged guest performers from near and far, the likes of which have included British violinist Ruth Palmer, Estonian pianist Diana Liiv, Boston-based pianist Max Levinson, soprano Dominique LaBelle, and numerous young, up-and-coming musicians from Lexington.
Programming directed at diverse audiences has been another area of focus for the Symphony and for McPhee, who believes wholeheartedly in the importance of educating young people about classical music. “One of the most fun experiences I’ve had with the Symphony was the first Holiday Pops concert for kids in 2009. We had no idea that adding a 4 p.m. Holiday Pops performance would draw an audience of kids under the age of six with their parents. It was so good to see so many young people at their first live orchestra concert! What an opportunity.” The Symphony also launched its award-winning educational outreach program for third and fourth graders, Orchestrating Kids Through Classics™, during McPhee’s tenure.
The important work McPhee has done on behalf of — and the positive impact has had on — Lexington Symphony isn’t lost on the organization, which hosted a surprise party for him on Monday, January 19 in celebration of his 10th anniversary with the orchestra. Held in Lexington at the home of board member Miyana Bovan, the event — planned by violinist Barbara Hughey and cellist Susan Griffith — was attended by members of the orchestra; past and current board members; Jonathan’s wife, Deborah; staff members, and volunteers. A commemorative book (created by Griffith) containing pictures and programs from the past 10 years, along with personal notes from musicians, board members, and others who have been involved with the orchestra, was presented to McPhee. “He is an inspiring conductor with a leadership style that encourages the highest level of performance and cooperation from all musicians, board members, and staff,” says Epp Sonin, the Symphony’s board president.
In the end, McPhee says the work he does as Lexington Symphony’s music director all boils down to one thing: the audience. “The audience is really special in Lexington, and they are critical to feeling satisfied with a well-played concert,” he explains. “An orchestra is a living, breathing thing, and the audience is what we live for. Our job is to inspire, entertain, and educate. Providing that balance in Lexington has been, and continues to be, exhilarating.”

For more information about Jonathan McPhee and his full schedule, visit his website: http://jonathanmcphee.com. For more information about the LSO, performance schedule details and subscription information see www.lexingtonsymphony.org.

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Filed Under: Archived Stories, Lexington Organizations, Lexington People

The History of the Lexington Fire Department

Below, the Lexington Fire Department assembled before the Minute Man Statue in Lexington Center.

By Digney Fignus

When I was a little I loved playing with my fire truck. I even had a bright red pedal car fashioned after a hook and ladder. I was awed by the big shiny trucks rolling along at the end of the Patriot’s Day parade blasting their sirens and bells. Doesn’t every school child at some point want to be a fire fighter?

Fire was one of the first elements of nature that we supposedly tamed. But Prometheus’ gift to civilization is still held by the most tenuous grasp. Like a powerful genie, fire is always ready to escape its restraints and wreak havoc upon those who would try to be its master. Since ancient times, fire was both a great comforter and a great destroyer. It cooked our food and warmed our homes but could also take our lives and reduce our property to ashes. Fire was the scourge of every city large and small from the beginning of known civilization.

Rome was the first to try to solve the problem. Rome was often plagued by fire, most famously when Nero was blamed for burning down 70% of the city in a fire that lasted six days and seven nights. Emperor Augustus in 24 BC is credited with creating the first fire fighters called “vigiles,” Latin for watchmen. This was the model for fire prevention up until the early Industrial Age. The water bucket was the main firefighting tool. Needless to say, it was hardly effective against a massive blaze.

As a result, as cities became larger and more densely populated conflagrations became more costly. The problem of urban fires befuddled governments and politicians. Fire brigades were only established after the tremendous destruction of the Great Fire of London in 1666. Surprisingly they were first organized by insurance companies in an effort to avoid the massive financial losses that large fires created. Government lagged far behind, only becoming involved after nearly 200 years when in 1865 London’s Metropolitan Fire Brigade was established.

In North America, Boston was the first city in the then Massachusetts Bay Colony to enact fire prevention legislation. A year after the city was founded it suffered a major fire, so in 1631 the city banned thatched roofs and wooden chimneys. But despite the best efforts of governments and insurance companies, until the twentieth century, cities burned to the ground fairly regularly. Although fire departments started to become more common throughout the nineteenth century, large fires remained an urban nightmare. The Great Chicago Fire of 1871, supposedly started in a small barn when Mrs. Murphy’s cow knocked over a lantern, burned for three days. It destroyed much of the city’s business district, killing nearly 300, and left 100,000 homeless. After the San Francisco earthquake in 1906, deadly fires destroyed 80% of the city, and left a death toll of nearly 3000.

Throughout the 1800s Boston continued to burn down periodically. On July 6, 1861, the New York Herald reported “Terrible Conflagrations in Boston” that started in a rigging shop and burned down most of the seaport. A year after the Chicago fire made headlines, Boston’s Great Fire of 1872 consumed a huge section of the city’s downtown and finally led to the appointment of the first board of fire commissioners.

During this time new fire codes were enacted and there were many improvements made to firefighting equipment in an effort to curb the great destruction caused by these disasters. In addition to the time-tested water bucket and fire axe, which had been around since Roman times, leather hoses had been added to the Boston firefighting arsenal by 1799. Firefighting wagons began to arrive on the scene in the 1800s.

At first these were little more than a big water tub on wheels to aid the bucket brigade. Most Colonial homes had a fire bucket ready to be deployed at the first sign of smoke. An example of one still hangs by the stairs in the Hancock Clarke House. Wagons with hand pumps were soon replaced by controlled chemical reactions that increased water pressure so fires could be fought from a safer distance. These first machines were hand-drawn or horse-drawn carriages. Even though the carriages were equipped with large water containers, pumps, hoses, and ladders, they remained only marginally effective. Most cities still had watchmen that reported fires until 1851 when the first fire alarm was installed in Boston using the then new invention: the telegraph. Until 1895 Lexington had fire bells that were rung in East Village and the Centre to alert citizens of a fire.

As innovations continued, cities and towns scrambled to update their firefighting equipment with the most modern improvements. Lexington was no different. In 1855 Massachusetts passed legislation requiring cities and towns to establish fire departments. The Fireman’s Standard of March 1, 1915 reports that prior to the Lexington Water Company laying water lines in 1885, fires were fought by “valiant attempts in which practically all the people participated, (using) hand tubs, (and) buckets such as the Liberty, the first known machine in town.” The Liberty was essentially a bucket on two wheels. According to The Fireman’s Standard, it was painted “ bright yellow and kept in the barn of Bowen Harrington…There were no suction pipes in these machines…the tubs being filled by the use of buckets in a double line.” At the start, fire equipment was often provided by private citizens. Soon after the Liberty was put in service, a similar machine the “Water Witch” was purchased by Benjamin Muzzey and presented to the town.

The legislation of 1855 demanded that towns have a suction engine before they could create their fire departments. In 1857 Lexington budgeted $2100.00 to purchase “two of the most up-to-date suction engines known, the Hancock and the Adams.” A suction engine could draw water from any water source. It was a huge improvement on the bucket brigade approach. Areas that were not close to a natural source of water were encouraged to dig a “fire pond” that would feed water to the engine in case of fire. An example of one can be seen today near Wilson Farm. Built in 1856, after many years of service, the Adams suction engine still survives. It has been lovingly preserved and is currently in the care of the Lexington Historical Society.

Since its early days, the Lexington Fire Department has gone through many changes. One man has made it his life work to chart those changes. Bob “The Goose” Washburn is a self-described dedicated fire buff. He’s also a Lexington treasure. Over the years he has compiled a complete history of Lexington’s Fire Department and its equipment. Bob has written several detailed books regarding the subject. He not only talks the talk, but with 31 years of service on the Lexington Fire Department, “The Goose” is an expert on how to walk the walk. I had a chance to talk with this local legend about a subject that he loves: “Most of the first firemen were Civil War veterans or their sons. Before the Civil War, all firemen were volunteers.” We sat down over a cup of Joe at the “Dunk” on Woburn St. just outside the center. “The pumpers weren’t very effective. Hoses were made out of leather. You had to oil the hose so it wouldn’t crack. Horses were rented from the residents of the town.”

Bob Washburn was dressed casually in his Lexington fireman’s T-shirt and arrived with a stack of research papers. He lit up when we began to talk about his research, fire engines he’d known, and the fires he’d put out. The Dunk is a regular stop for our local fire crews and I soon began to notice the nods of recognition and respect for “The Goose” from the men waiting to order. Even though Bob has been retired since 2002 he knew every one of the fire fighters in line, and every one of them knew him. Bob can’t remember when he wasn’t fascinated by fire fighting. In large part he thanks his mother Gladys. She would often bring him to the fire house to play when he was a child. Gladys encouraged her two boys to be fire fighters. Both Bob and his older brother Arthur became firemen and for many years served together on the Lexington Fire Department.

Up until 1895 there were few changes in Lexington’s firefighting tactics. The Adams and Hancock were upgraded and retired for chemical engines that provided better water pressure. But it wasn’t until the Cary Mansion fire on January 24, 1895 that real changes began to take place. The Cary Estate was built by one of the town’s most beloved benefactors, Maria Hastings Cary. In 1895 her adopted daughter Alice lived there. While Alice was visiting her niece in Boston, a fire in the laundry quickly got out of control and consumed the mansion. Efforts to put out the inferno were hampered by an inadequate water supply. The Boston Herald reports a bit of mischief as well: “At some point during the blaze the firemen came across a large amount of stored liquor in the mansion and partook of same. Some of the men evidentially indulged too much. Two of the firemen were removed from the scene by Lexington Police Chief WB Foster.”

After the fire, in Miss Cary’s letter of thanks to the town she writes, “if only this calamity should result in a better equipped fire department and more generous and progressive town government, I shall feel I have not suffered in vain.” Her message was heard loud and clear. Before the end of the year, a town water system was established, a fire alarm box system was approved, three new pieces of firefighting equipment were ordered, the fire department was reorganized, and the first permanent fireman was employed.

The “father” of the modern Lexington Fire Department is considered George W. Taylor. Taylor was one of the most powerful insurance men in North America and for a time Chairman of Lexington’s Board of Selectmen. He pushed hard to improve the fire department. In 1913 Edward Taylor, George’s son, was appointed Chief of the Lexington Fire Department. He served as Chief until 1942. Shortly after his appointment in 1915 The Fireman’s Standard concluded that the “Lexington fire department has evolved from a bucket brigade to one of the most up-to-date firefighting machines in the State.”

The current steward of much of the Lexington Fire Department’s history is the Lexington Historical Society. I had a chance to talk with Elaine Doran, Archivist and Collections Manager for the Historical Society, who invited me to research the archives that are in the basement of the Hancock Clarke House. Besides a wonderful pictorial history of the Fire Department the Historical Society maintains two of the Lexington Fire Department’s most precious artifacts: the 1856 Adams suction engine, and the 1911 La France, Lexington’s first motorized fire engine. Both are proudly displayed along with the rest of Lexington’s firefighting equipment at the annual Patriots’ Day parade.

Lexington’s newest Fire Chief, John Wilson, was appointed in 2012. I had a chance to talk with Chief Wilson about the future of the Lexington Fire Department. This year the Department is celebrating the 75th Anniversary of the fire department’s Ambulance Service started in 1940. Before that, if you needed an ambulance, the McCarthy Funeral Home dispatched one of its hearses to transport you to the hospital. With new state-of-the-art fire engines costing up to a million dollars things have certainly changed since the department’s meager beginnings. The Chief likens the fire fighters to a large family, “It’s unlike any other job. You eat, sleep, and train together.” Chief Wilson is a lifelong Lexington resident. When he was growing up “one of the Lexington firefighters lived across the street” and like Bob Washburn, when the Chief was growing up he was a frequent visitor to the fire station. The Chief admits, “I always wanted to be a fireman. Every little kid wants to be a fireman.”

The Lexington Fire Department has a long and proud history. They are pledged to be there to help you when you need them most. Be sure to give these career heroes a loud cheer this year at the Patriots’ Day parade, as they celebrate their 75th Anniversary and continue their tradition of service to the community.

Colonial Times contributor DIGNEY FIGNUS is a Lexington native and musician. His band perform in clubs and festivals around New England. Check www.digney.com for the latest information on upcoming shows.

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Filed Under: Archived Stories, Lexington History, Lexington Organizations, Lexington People

Parenting Matters: The Importance of Feelings…Really

By Danielle DeTora, Psy.D.

“How does that make you feel?” This is the quintessential therapist’s line that is often mocked in movies, television, books, and everyday life. It’s unfortunate that feelings get such a bad rap because they are more important than people realize. In fact, I believe that learning to understand and appropriately express one’s emotions is the single most important skill to promote mental health wellbeing.

DEFINING FEELINGS

People have a hard time identifying feelings. Often when I ask how someone is feeling (yes, I do ask that question of my clients), I get answers that describe something else. Statements such as, “I’m just stressed!” or “I’m overwhelmed” or “I’m anxious” actually describe a physiological state of being but they are not feelings. For example, if a person is “stressed,” then they are likely experiencing a heightened state of arousal. Maybe the person’s muscles are tense or his/her thoughts are racing or s/he has no appetite. These are all examples of bodily reactions to some stressor(s). They are important to attend to, but they are not emotions. Examples of emotions are: sadness, hurt, anger, frustration, fear, happiness, love, disgust, surprise, etc. The difference between physiological states and emotions may seem subtle and insignificant but it’s key in helping manage stressors in our lives.

Everyday, our bodies have hundreds of emotional reactions. Hard to believe? Watch a group of preschoolers. Because they are fully connected to their bodies, you’ll see them get sad (tears in eyes, shoulders hunched, frown on face), mad (knitted eyebrows, clenched fists, red cheeks), delighted (smiles, open arms, skipping), etc. Typically, they experience whatever emotion arises in their bodies. Then, often a teacher or parent helps them express it with words. Afterwards, they move on to the next thing that catches their interest. They gracefully allow feelings to come and go. As we grow up, we shift our focus away from our bodies and into our thoughts. Just because we’re not paying attention to our bodies as acutely as a preschooler, does not mean that we aren’t having those emotional reactions. But how do you attend to all of these reactions as an adult and still manage all your daily tasks? You don’t. You learn how to recognize them, manage your access to them and most importantly, not disregard their existence.

RECOGNIZING FEELINGS

Recognizing an emotional reaction requires paying attention to sensations in your body. Often, we spend so much of our day thinking of things to do, people to contact, places to be, etc. that we are not aware of our body. A good example of this disconnection is when people are so busy that they ignore hunger signals and forego eating a meal. The same process is true for emotions. For example, if you see an elderly person struggle to walk across the street, are you aware of the emotional reaction you are possibly having? Or are you so focused on where you have to go or the next thing on your “to do” list that you are unaware of any physical sensations that may be emotions? If you pay attention to this moment and discover that it is sadness, you may then relate it to your own parents’ current struggles with aging or your deceased grandparent whom you adored and miss. Allowing yourself to feel this sadness, even if only for a few seconds, validates your emotional self and keeps you connected to your body.

If paid attention to, an emotion is something that comes and goes, like a wave passing over you. Too often, people will not allow themselves to feel an emotion for fear that they will get completely overwhelmed by it. If they feel sad, for example, they will plunge into a deep black hole of sadness and not be able to stop crying. Unfortunately, this thought is the result of not perceiving an emotion as something that occurs in our bodies and is temporary. When we stop a feeling before it’s been fully felt, it reinforces the idea that feelings are “bad” or that they shouldn’t exist. Feelings are just feelings – they are neither bad nor good. If repeatedly ignored, however, emotions have a tendency to build up over time and cause symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, and more.

RESPONDING TO FEELINGS

In addition to attending to our own emotions, it is important to recognize them with others. As parents, it is crucial to validate our children’s feelings. When we validate their feelings, we validate their existence. In other words, what they feel in their bodies is just as important as their thoughts. Regrettably, we often do the exact opposite. For example, if your child says, “I’m really bummed that we lost that soccer game” (translation, “I’m really sad”), how often do we respond with, “Oh, but you won all your other games. It’ll be fine.” Or “It doesn’t matter, you still have a spot in the playoffs.” These statements are well intended to make the child feel better about losing the game but instead, they are invalidating the child’s emotional reaction. In essence, we are telling the child, “You’re feeling sad and it is wrong or bad.” What we should be saying is, “Yes, I understand it’s difficult to lose.” Or even better, “Tell me more.” This latter statement creates a unique opportunity for the child to try and connect with the sadness and communicate it. No matter what the child says, it is crucial for the parent to make it clear that being sad is a perfectly acceptable emotion to have in response to losing a game. After a feeling is validated, then a parent can add, “Can I share some of my opinions about the loss?” or “Would it be helpful if I offered some ways to think about the loss?” Asking, instead of launching into a series of statements, is yet another way for your child to focus on what s/he wants and needs in that moment.

Being able to identify our emotions in our bodies and express them appropriately is a skill that we all had when we were young children. With practice and patience, that skill can be relearned and help us live more emotionally connected lives.

REFERENCE:

Frederick, Ronald J. (2009). Living Like You Mean It. San Francisco, California: Jossey-Bass.

Danielle DeTora, Psy.D. is a licensed psychologist with a practice in Lexington. She works with adolescents, young adults, adults, couples and families on various issues related to emot
ional health and well-being. Dr. DeTora helps people achieve and live more satisfying and meaningful lives. Dr. DeTora can be reached at 781-862-6772, or email – danielledetora@gmail.com.

Parenting Matters is a collaboration between the Colonial Times Magazine and the Town of Lexington Human Services Department. This column is not intended as a substitute for therapy and the contents are do not necessarily reflect the views of the CTM editorial staff. The information contained in Parenting Matters is for general information purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for the advice of a mental health professional.

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The Inn at Hastings Park Earns Relais & Chateaux Distinction

Lexington’s boutique inn is the only Boston area hotel welcomed to international prestigious hospitality association.

The Inn at Hastings Park is delighted to announce that it has been accepted into Relais & Chateaux, one of the world’s most prestigious hospitality associations. The Inn at Hastings Park is the first Boston area hotel to earn this distinction. There are only three other Relais & Chateaux hotels in Massachusetts: the Blantyre in Lenox, The Wauwinet in Nantucket and The Charlotte Inn in Martha’s Vineyard. Barbara Lynch’s restaurant, Menton, is Boston’s only Relais & Chateaux restaurant. Around the world, Relais & Chateaux has a network of 530 properties and restaurants in 64 countries.
“My family lived in London a decade ago, and when we vacationed throughout Europe during this time, we noticed that all of our favorite hotels were members of Relais & Chateaux,” said Trisha Perez Kennealy, the owner of The Inn at Hastings Park. “When my husband and I decided to open The Inn at Hastings Park, it became our top priority to earn the Relais & Chateaux distinction. We could not be happier about joining our new hotel and restaurant partners around the globe in representing this brand of distinction.”
The Inn at Hastings Park opened less than a year ago in February 2014. Located just steps away from the historic Lexington Battle Green made famous in the Revolutionary War and Lexington Center, The Inn consists of three lovingly restored antique buildings with 22 guest rooms. The Main House contains the restaurant, Artistry on the Green, which is open for breakfast, lunch, dinner and Sunday brunch.
“I grew up in Luxembourg, and the style of hospitality that I experienced during my childhood is represented by the unique, smaller inns that populate Europe. Each of these hotels was small in size but grand in service, character and authenticity to its locale,” said Daniel Braun, the general manager of The Inn at Hastings Park. “The Inn at Hastings Park is reminiscent of these special hotels that I experienced during my childhood. Our staff at The Inn is dedicated to taking care of all guests with thoughtful and gracious service. To have our hospitality recognized by Relais & Chateaux is the highest honor.”

One of the beautifully appointed guest rooms at the inn.

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Winning the Worry Wars

Stephanie M. Kriesberg, Psy.D.

By Stephanie M. Kriesberg, Psy.D. , Licensed Psychologist

Recently I was driving to work and realized I forgot my iPad. Since I had some extra time, I decided to turn around, go home, and get it. On the return trip, I saw the line of traffic that had backed up. Construction! An accident! “Don’t do it!” said a worried voice in my head. “If you keep going, you will get stuck in that snarl of traffic on your way back to the office. You will be late.” That worried voice made a lot of sense, I thought. It was trying to help me. So I turned the car around again and got to the office on time. And really, I managed just fine without my iPad that day.

Sometimes, the worry voices we hear in our heads can really help us out. Worry can help us make good decisions, stay safe, and encourage us to work hard and do our best. But for many children and teens, worry stops being a helpful signal, a sign to slow down and think things through. Instead, the worry voice becomes a screeching tyrant, convincing kids that disaster lurks at life’s every corner.

For example: Since the summer’s thunderstorms, 10-year-old Lily is afraid to sleep in her own bed at night. She worries: “What if it thunders again? What if it wakes me up? What if something bad happens?” Lily’s parents have taken to standing guard by her bed until she falls asleep. Most nights, she winds up in her parents’ room anyway, asleep on the floor.

For Colin, age 8 (not to mention his parents) homework time is torture. Colin is an endearing, industrious boy who wants to get everything just right. If he stumbles on a math problem, tears are sure to follow. He wants to please his teacher and is certain she will be upset if his homework isn’t perfect.

Fifteen-year-old Nicole, rising star softball player, feels so sick to her stomach the night before every game her parents are starting to wonder if she should keep playing, as much as she loves the sport. “If I strike out, everyone will laugh at me. Coach wants us to make it to the play-offs. I need to make every hit a homerun,” Nicole laments.

Each of these young people has a worry voice that has taken residence in their heads and does not want to vacate. Each of them could benefit from being taught several basic principles about worry and its management. Worry is part of life. We have to expect it. However, we have to figure out when our worry voice is helping us, providing useful information, and when that worry voice is full of hot air and doesn’t know what it’s talking about.

In their book Anxious Kids Anxious Parents Reid Wilson and Lynn Lyons describe steps parents can take to help their anxious children. Parents, like the ones described above, often feel powerless in the face of their children’s worry. They spend their evenings hovering by their children’s beds or talking their frantic kids through every possible calamity. No one feels better. Worry wins every time.

Worry can be brought down to size when children and teens are taught that anxiety is expected and predictable. Reid and Lyons (p. 59) write that for most kids anxiety shows up in the same five types of situations over and over. Anxiety tends to show up when kids are:

Trying something new
Unsure about plans
Have lots of “what if” questions
Have to perform
Anticipating something scary

If your child or teen is struggling with worry, try the following exercise. First, divide a piece of paper into two columns. On one side, write the five conditions that tend to create anxiety. Ask your child to think about which of these situations tend to create anxiety, and write them in the other column. Try to get as specific as possible. Your child will probably see that she does not get anxious in all types of situations. There are plenty of times when she feels calm and brave. That realization itself is empowering and reassuring.

Second, go back to the situations in which your child experiences anxiety, when his worry voice is chattering in his ear. Teach your child to picture his worry voice as something outside of himself. Teach him that he can talk back to that worry voice and let it know what’s really true. Have fun with this step! Kids can be kind to their worry voices. Lily might say: “Thanks for warning me that there might be a thunderstorm tonight. It’s true, I hate the loud noise, especially when I’m sleeping! But I know it’s not dangerous, and I can handle it.” Colin could reassure his worry voice: “Listen, worry, I know you are trying to help me with my homework. But my teacher is really nice. If I can’t get this math problem, she wants to know so she can help me. Trust me, nobody expects me to be perfect.” Kids can also talk tough: “Listen, worry. I have had it with you,” Nicole can inform her worry.” Making mistakes is part of being an athlete. My job is to play the best I can, not listen to your nonsense. So take a hike.”

Finally, when your child begins to worry again, before immediately reassuring, tell her: “That sounds like worry talking to me! What can you say to it?” Over time, your child or teen can learn that worry is part of life, but it doesn’t have to run the show.

Stephanie M. Kriesberg, Psy.D. Is a licensed psychologist who practices in Lexington. She has twenty years’ experience treating children, adolescents and adults. Her areas of specialty include parent guidance, anxiety disorders, and treatment of adult daughters of narcissistic mothers.

Parenting Matters is a collaboration between the Colonial Times Magazine and the Town of Lexington Human Services Department. This column is not intended as a substitute for therapy and the contents are do not necessarily reflect the views of the CTM editorial staff. The information contained in Parenting Matters is for general information purposes only and should not be considered a substitute for the advice of a mental health professional.

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